I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
