My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
