What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
