Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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