How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
