she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
