I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
