Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
