If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
