I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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