She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I would ride that face into the sunset
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I need to align my fucking chakras
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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