he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
