Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
