I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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