from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
