I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you inspire me to be a worse person
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
