IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
