Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
