What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
