I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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