My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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