I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
