honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i barfeds in our rink
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
