You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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