I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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