and she was petting her beer can
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
