been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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