I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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