You're completely useless in the revolution.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
