No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
