I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
