Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
