I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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