Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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