I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
