Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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