I heard we made out
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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