i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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