youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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