I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
