Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I deserve this hangover.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
