May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
