I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
