Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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