I accidentally burped into my bong.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
