Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
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