I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
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Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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