My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
