I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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