dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
