He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
