you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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