I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
