got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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