Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize