At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
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Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
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This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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