So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
