There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
