just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
