eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she peed on how many people?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
