Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
