Me. At least after what I've been through.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
