i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
