Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
