I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
