We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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